Plain language is smart, not dumb

Have you ever tried persuading managers that using simple, active language is their best chance at communicating a message, and gotten a response like this?

“I don’t want to dumb it down.”

This response always flabbergasts me. They might as well say, “I don’t care if people understand me.”

Making language clear and understandable doesn’t mean you’re writing like the author of a “Dick and Jane” reader.

It means:

• Keeping most sentences to 25 words or fewer.
• Avoiding jargon, even when you’re writing for ‘your’ audience. Don’t assume that since most of the people on your annual report mailing list know about you, they’ll be as familiar with your jargon as you are.
• Making sure quotations sound as if someone really said them. (Hint: Read the quotation out loud.)
• Using words your readers use. People say, “Get your gas at Speedway stations and support AAA Foundation.” They don’t say, “Get your gasoline at Speedway stations.”
• Being direct, not passive. Rather than, “We had a discussion about the issue,” say, “We discussed the issue.”
• Letting active verbs make your copy come alive.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, companies that have been pushing out their messages regardless of how readers will react to it are going to find themselves ignored, if they aren’t already. 

Find help at:

PlainLanguage.gov: Improving Communication from the Federal Government to the Public

Ten Commandments of Simplification (Center for Plain Language)

Plain language for communicating health information

The Jargon Finder

What’s the most over-used word in organizational copy?

Is the organization you’re writing about “unique”?

Please say no.

Here’s an example of the way too many writers overuse the word:

“Keep Indianapolis Beautiful’s internship program is unique because we are able to match the needs of students with our needs.”

Is Keep Indianapolis Beautiful the only organization that can make this claim? No. Hence, no uniqueness.

But besides lazily relying on an overused word, the writer did this organization a disservice by missing an opportunity.

By interviewing a few interns and finding out just what their experiences were like, the writer could have used testimonials and intriguing copy to draw potential interns in.

The interns, employees and volunteers at Keep Indianapolis Beautiful ensure our city retains its natural beauty. As the Web site says, “Trees make the world a better place.” I wholly agree; my husband and I are still mourning the loss of our beautiful ornamental pear that snapped in a recent windstorm. We lost a friend.

So, KIB, wake up your writer and tell your story.

P.S. Have you planted a tree in your Marion County, Indiana, home or business? Register your deed and help KIB reach its goal of 100,000 new trees by 2017.

What makes a stressed man go to the YMCA?

(Or, What forces a PR person ever use the words “new initiative”?)

PR Newswire offers sample press releases in a “nonprofit toolkit.”

 Please don’t use them. Ever!

 One sample starts like this:

The YMCA of Metropolitan Chicago recently unveiled a health and wellness initiative aimed at helping Chicagoland adults and families cope with the increased stress levels that they are experiencing.

I suggest it should start more like this:

When John Doe stepped into the YMCA of Metropolitan Chicago, it was six months after he’d lost his wife, started trying to raise a teenage daughter alone, and learned his cholesterol was through the roof.

From there, the press release could talk about the health-and-wellness initiative by showing how it was designed to help something like Doe. His story would humanize an otherwise boring here’s-another-wellness-initiative story that’s not likely to get a reporter’s attention.

It’s storytelling, drawing in readers — and reporters — by getting them interested in someone else who’s feeling stressed, just like they are. They want to know more about this guy, and they’re probably wondering, “Why’d he go to the YMCA, of all places?”

That means they’re reading on.

On the flip side, anyone who read about a new “initiative” isn’t wondering anything. They’ve turned on the TV by now.

Your thoughts? Agree or disagree?

Our visceral reaction to being called cowards

US Attorney General Eric Holder (AP Photo/Evan Vucci)

Attorney General Eric Holder Jr. called us “a nation of cowards,” afraid to speak frankly to each other about race in America.

In this blog, I won’t discuss whether or not I agree with his assertion. (I do.)

Since this blog is about writing, it’s his use of such a provocative word as “coward” — and the reaction it engendered — that I want us to talk about here.

Is there a lesson we can apply to our own writing?

Let’s say Holder had used the kind of politically correct, passive, “safe” language many of our CEOs try to insist we use. He might have said, “We are a nation of people who are reticent to talk to each other about such sensitive issues as ethnicity.”

Or maybe, “Our hesitancy to offend each other makes honest conversation about some issues difficult.”

Probably a passive sentence would be required: “Discussions of race are not generally accepted as polite conversation.”

If Holder had used any of this language, would we have paid attention? Would any of us be discussing his speech — and, more imporantly, about whether we talk to each other about race? Would the issue have gotten any notice at all?

I say no, it wouldn’t have permeated our consciousness.

So, am I advocating the use of inflammatory language in your organization’s materials?

Not inflammatory, but thought-provoking. Active. Honest. Authentic. Loaded with verbs, and devoid of the passive voice. Only through speaking clearly and honestly will your audiences – customers, donors, clients, etc. — get to know you and your organization.

And only then will they start to remember you.

Show, don’t tell, about making a difference

Is your organization “making a difference?”

If so, can you find a new way to say it?

One of my most meaningful jobs was at a fundraising organization for a children’s hospital. If helping to fund a place that rescues kids from the brink of death isn’t “making a difference,” I don’t know what is. But my much-smarter supervisor refused to let us use that phrase.

“Every non-profit says that,” she’d point out. “We need to tell how we’re making that difference.”

She was right then, and she’s still right.

The March of Dimes mailer I just received invites me to join all the people “who are making a difference in the fight against premature births.”

Wouldn’t a statement such as, “Become one of the millions who want to make sure all babies are born healthy,” resonate more? It also reinforces the March of Dimes’ mission. And it puts an immediate picture in my head: Babies are being born unhealthy or are dying. I can help.

By seizing every opportunity to paint a picture or tell a story, you’ll do more than “make a difference.” You’ll grab someone’s attention long enough to communicate your message.

Make your readers take notice

“What if you could make one phone call to heaven?”

I had “Boston Legal” on tonight for company as I was reading blogs. I hate commercials, so normally I mute or at least ignore them. But this question at the start of a Mormon Church comercial stopped me in my tracks.

It’s provocative, personal. It’s not a yes-or-no inquiry. The questioner doesn’t presuppose the answer, as in, “If you could end world hunger, would you?”

Would your organization’s materials stop anyone in their tracks?

Why do few Latinos attend college?

For every 100 Latino elementary school students, 48 drop out of high school. Of the 52 who graduate, only 10 go on to earn a bachelor’s degree. Only four of those will earn a graduate degree. College enrollment among Latinos hasn’t increased in 20 years.

Decades of research published in a massive study could shed valuable insight into the causes of this problem and reveal potential remedies. But who would ever take the time to read it?

Thanks to Brainstorm, a lot of people are experiencing this data in easy-to-understand language.

Disclaimer: Brainstorm is now a client of mine, but this site predates our relationship.

Camino de la Universidad (The Road to College) at luminafoundation.org/latinos organizes decades of research by University of Texas at San Antonio professor Dr. Raymond Padilla into a digestible, searchable, comprehensible and comprehensive Web site.

Dr. Padilla’s research report, “What is Known About Latina/o Student Access and Success in Postsecondary Education,” was sponsored by the Lumina Foundation for Education.

“Dr. Padilla is passionate about the potential for this information to alter the way people view the college experience for Latinos,” said Teresa Detrich of the Lumina Foundation. “Brainstorm has created a culturally relevant, sharable way to interact with the data without diminishing its depth and substance.”

“We wanted users to be able to engage with the data at any level of interest,” said Bart Caylor, principal at Brainstorm. “We think that once they begin exploring the data, the site’s interactivity and ease of use will draw them in more deeply.”

The beauty of the fast-loading, interactive site is the simplicity of its language. The site could have aimed at those in academia, but instead, Brainstorm chose to make it accessible to students, parents, advocates, politicians and anyone interested in the subject.

Users can explore each of the report’s main sections online with one-click access to the study’s major findings, sources and citations.

Once a user learns about the current situation facing Latino students, he or she can turn to the “What Can Be Done” section for next steps. It includes specific policy options that can help Latinos earn college diplomas.

Brainstorm earned a Best in Show award for the site in the annual W³ Awards, a global competition judged by the International Academy of the Visual Arts, as well as a Gold Award for Visual Appeal.

“In a competition that pits Fortune 500 companies and international marketing agencies against small firms and non-profits, Indianapolis-based Brainstorm finished in the top 1 percent,” said Bob Blass, Brainstorm president. “But we’re most proud of helping to bring this data to people who can use it to effect change.”

Bravo, Brainstorm!

                                                             

 

 

Mayo Clinic wins award for copywriting

Yes, one of the nation’s top health-care providers has people that can write, too. Who knew?!

Mayoclinic.com has earned a Best in Show in the W3 Awards, a competition honoring creative excellence on the Web. It’s sanctioned and judged by the International Academy of the Visual Arts.

What sets Mayo’s site apart from other hospital Web sites is its readability and navigability. Articles are aimed at helping users understand medical issues, not at impressing them with their physicians’ knowledge.

The language is clear and direct. Here’s one example:

“Although there are some genetic and hormonal causes of childhood obesity, most excess weight is caused by kids eating too much and exercising too little.”

Another hospital site explains the causes of obesity this way:

“Genetic factors play a role in a child’s risk of being overweight, but obesity rates have tripled in the past 30 years, while genes have not changed. That means that the recent widespread obesity problem is primarily caused by environmental factors. … What we’re eating, how active we are, our family structure.”

Each article on Mayo’s site is broken down into categories, with each page providing the full array of links to every other category within the article.

I don’t go to WebMD for health information anymore. I go to Mayoclinic.org.

Recruit families and save Gen X

Will members of Generation X give of their time and income to your cause?

If they don’t, will you know why?

Researcher Mark Ottoni Wilhelm wants to help you find out. He’s the founding director of the Center of Philanthropy Panel Study (COPPS), the most nationally representative study of giving over time ever conducted.

By studying COPPS data, Wilhelm and his colleagues discovered a correlation – not necessarily a cause-effect relationship, but a link – between a person’s family stability when he was a child and his willingness to volunteer or give a financial gift as an adult.

His findings gave Wilhelm ideas.

“If we develop adolescents’ philanthropic consciousness, there is a direct benefit to society,” he said.

“As parents, we can make sure that our adolescent children have opportunities to donate some of their own funds to charitable causes,” he also said.

It should give you some ideas, too. In your materials, suggest ways that donors’ children can donate a portion of their allowance or summer-job income, and make sure you thank the kids appropriately when they do.

If you need volunteers and you can accept youngsters, refer to this study and encourage parents to bring their children. Point out the long-term benefits of their kids’ participation – not just to those who benefit from your organization, but to the volunteers’ families, too.

Feature their photos or stories in your publications or on your Web site.

Being involved in your non-profit can become a family affair, something most parents are craving these days.

You’ll be seen as caring about your donors. They, in turn, may care more about you.

(previously posted at Indianapolis Nonprofit Examiner)

Read Wilhelm’s story in Philanthropy Matters.

Pull the heart strings or lose the donation

A session at this summer’s Direct Marketing Association Nonprofit Conference offered two tips worth repeating. As reported by the NonProfit Times Weekly, they are:

1. Support with substance (not fluff). Strategically and ruthlessly develop materials that provide real proof of what a donor’s dollars will do.
2. Inspire with stories. Materials should be rich with stories, photos and testimonies of lives changed because of their giving.

So, I went looking at a couple of organizations near and dear to my heart: the American Lung Association (my sister has chronic asthma) and the American Heart Association (my father had heart disease).

When I visited the American Lung Association’s Web site, I tried hard to find proof of how donor dollars are helping people like my little sis.

I failed.

The landing page told me that the association is making a difference with its online Flu Clinic Locator … how it was mourning Paul Newman … and that Kristi Yamaguchi is this year’s Christmas Seals chairperson.

I got excited when I scrolled down and saw “Living with Lung Disease: Stories of Hope,” but when I clicked, all I got was a place where I could login and share my story.

Where’s the inspiration?

In contrast, in the center of the American Heart Association’s site is a picture of sports celebrity Randy Jackson telling his story of diabetes. Click, and you go immediately to more stories of people living with diabetes. Back on the home page, you’ll find a link called “Stories of Hope” that actually links to complete stories and compelling photos – no login required.

Ah! There’s inspiration – and motivation to give.

P.S. I don’t favor one of these organizations over the other, and I haven’t worked for either one. I wish both of them the best of luck in their fundraising efforts.